God-to-gut connections

Obedience is easy when you are being guided by a God who never makes mistakes.
--Corrie ten Boom, "Tramp for the Lord"

Every so often I go through a discernment process regarding what I'm doing in life. Maybe it's because I'm not used to staying in one place for very long, or because I'm so used to always working towards something (a high school diploma, a college degree, certification in ministry, etc). Aside from that 7-year stint in elementary school, I have never been in any one place for longer than four years. I'm currently in my fourth year of full-time ministry. Am I a senior? Do I have senioritis?

There are times when I get stressed out about my life and where it's going. Usually, it's because I've let doubts creep into my mind, or have wondered if the grass really is greener on the other side, or am operating under the assumption that I am the one who is in control and must take care of everything. Times like these happen when I take my life in my own hands and decide to do my own thing. This rarely works out well.

For every big decision I have made in my life, I have had complete and total peace. There's a feeling I get when I know what to do. I know. I know it in my gut. In my heart there is peace. In my mind there is serenity. When I chose St. Norbert College, I knew. I explored a few options, but I knew SNC was where I would be. When I was looking for a job after graduation and Suzi mentioned that her church was hiring, I knew. When I needed a roommate before Shannon moved in, and another one when Shannon moved out, I knew I would find one.

It seems like my God-to-gut connection has been a little fuzzy as of late. More likely, my mind just hasn't beeing paying attention to what my gut has been saying. I hate wrestling with decisions. I don't like not knowing. I forget sometimes that it's not me that has to know anything.

Obedience is easy when we trust in the God who never makes mistakes. It really is. Of course, it's easy in the sense that there's a certain freedom that comes with trusting in God to lead, open doors, and provide. It's not always easy to let go of our own desires, fears, and that pesky need to keep one hand on the controls . . . just in case. But such freedom comes with doing so that I can't imagine living any other way.

In Tramp for the Lord, ten Boom writes: "Always when I say I am not able, I get the same answer from the Lord. He says, 'I know you are not able. I have known it already for a long time. I am glad you now know it for yourself, for now you can let me do it.'"

What more can I say? God can. I can't. But I can let God.