Dear God, you are confusing.

Dear God,

I don't understand you most of the time. It seems to be that whenever I get a sense of divine direction in my life the direction changes. The trail ends. Sometimes the trail's end is gradual, as if the trail's caretaker had long since forgotten about it and nature had begun to claim its space again. Sometimes the directional change is as abrupt as getting a door slammed in your face.

I do my best to understand what you want, to understand where I need to be, to understand my place in the world at any given time. I know it changes. Life is anything but static. Permanence is a concept I've learned to live without. And yet I crave stability.

I've always been able to see the good that can come from a situation, or the steps I can - I should - take after the trail I have been hiking begins to fade away. You have always taken care of me. I'm sure you still are.

It's just hard to understand why some things happen the way they do. You know, why did this have to happen, when the opposite of this would have been so much better? And easier? And good for everyone? Well, perhaps not. Often times the things we want are not the best things for us.

It's hard to swallow that medicine, but I'll do my best.

I wrote once that there are no "ifs" in the world. You remember, Corrie ten Boom actually wrote it first. Things happen, and we move foward. It's no use wondering what if. Luckily I've never been a big "what if" kind of girl.

I don't wonder "what if," but I do wonder "why not?"

You typically tend to answer in time, so I'm going to wait. You'll know where to find me.

Your friend,
Me