Disillusionment (November 14, 2005)

I don't think we pay enough attention to the unavoidable experience of being disillusioned at some point in our lives. It's like it shouldn't bother us - but it does. It bothers us more than we admit. We put people up on a pedestal hoping they have all the answers, that they have control...but they never do, not really. And when we realize that we are disillusioned. We are crushed. We are lost. What happens when what you put your trust in lets you down? You're falling - who's going to catch you?I wrote something about this last month, thought I would share it with you.

"What happens when our leaders fall?" --(c) 2005--

This month a youth pastor in West Bend was arrested for child pornography and enticement. A youth pastor! Most people who hear about this are shocked; sadly, not me. Disgusted beyond words, but not surprised. Unfortunately, I’m all too familiar with stuff like this. Some people aren’t. Adults at Fifth Avenue United Methodist Church are probably wondering what on earth happened to their youth pastor. How could they have made such a gross misjudgment of his character? How could they have put their own kids at such risk?

The youth have questions of their own, up and beyond questions of personal safety. They just found out their youth pastor is a liar and a pornographer. Not only does the situation present these teenagers with a crisis of leadership, there’s a crisis of faith. “He taught us about what it means to be Christian, and we looked up to him. We wanted to have his kind of faith. Is it all a lie?”

Oh, to be human. We all know everyone makes mistakes. We are told constantly, “nobody’s perfect,” but this is head knowledge. In our hearts we are seeking that one perfect role model who will never let us down. As humans, we were made for that—made to desire a leader who embodies everything life should be, who guides us and shows us how we should live. As long as there is someone out there who can make it through life like that, there’s hope for us.

We do this with our parents up until adolescence, and perhaps again after we’re done being angry teenagers. Think back and try to remember the first time you realized that your parents were human—fallible, mortal, and imperfect. What happened when you realized that the people you trusted to get you through life are struggling to make it through their own?

We look to our pastors and spiritual leaders in this way, also. They’re pastors, they’ve got the one-on-one direct line to God, right? They’re almost super-human. Normal people can’t be as holy as they are. Oh, if we could all be as good a Christian as Pastor Bob… We don’t always realize that Pastor Bob has problems and issues of his own, just like we do, and is perhaps no more equipped than we are to handle them.

We’re no strangers to stories of fallen pastors. The sex-scandal in the Catholic church stunned not only Catholics, but most people to their very core. And what about the pastor who left his family to run off with his secretary? Or the pastor who embezzled offering money? Are all their sermons, Sunday School lessons, or caring home visits null and void? Is their ministry fake? Was God in any of it, since they were lying to us the whole time?

Thank goodness truth doesn’t depend on the person who’s telling it. This youth pastor who’s fallen, he spoke the truth when he told the kids about a God who loves them for who they are, who wants us to live lives of service to others and devotion to Him. He spoke the truth when he told them about how God came to earth in Jesus to walk with us and show us how to live, and it was the truth when he said that because Jesus died we can have a relationship with God. It’s the truth that true life is found in Him.

Unfortunately, we’re more likely to do what our role models do instead of what they say, or to lose faith in them completely because we have no tolerance for hypocrisy. It’s hard to distinguish between the person and the message; losing faith in the person often means losing faith in what they stood for. So when our spiritual leaders fall, we have to realize that our faith was not in them, but in the God they talked about. God is real even though people can be fake. God’s love is real even though people have trouble spreading it. That desire we have for the ultimate life role model? It’s Jesus, look no further. But even he was human, so we have to be careful in putting our every hope and desire in him as a person. It’s God revealed in Jesus.

The truth of God’s love and presence in our lives transcends all human words and actions. It’s so much bigger than we are. Nothing any one person says or does to the contrary will ever change the reality that God is real and is so in love with each and every one of us.

When our leaders fall we realize, whether we want to or not, that we are human. Seeing them “real” reminds us that we are real, too. Seeing them fall reminds us that we fall, too. We come face to face with the reality that we are struggling to make sense out of life, and that when we think we have a handle on it, what we were holding onto disappears. When this happens, it’s time we learned to grab onto something that is guaranteed to last.

To the people of Fifth Avenue UMC and to everyone who has been let down I say, “I’m sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Not only does this break my heart, it breaks God's heart too. God is still here.” God is with us in our pain and confusion, and in our struggle to pick up and reassemble the pieces. God is here.