Note the date: Thursday, December 18, 2008. Actually, the only important part of that was "December 18." It's still fall. Granted, it looks like winter. It feels like winter. The 10 inches of snow we're supposed to get tonight and tomorrow will make it seem an awful lot like winter. But technically, technically, winter doesn't officially begin for another three days. It's not even winter yet and already we've accumulated well over a foot of snow (not counting tomorrow's dump). It's not even winter yet and I'm more than ready for spring.
I realize my last few entries have mostly revolved around my displeasure with the increasingly cold weather, so I'll try to think of something else to say...
My brother turned 17 last weekend. Ack! I keep a picture of him from when he was 3 on my bedroom mirror. He's wearing a straw hat, a pillowcase cape, and sweatpants up past his bellybutton. It's the costume for his superhero alter-ego, the Massed Offender. It's supposed to be "Masked Avenger," but when you're 3 you say what you can. He's a junior in high school now, well past the years of Winnie-the-Pooh and make-believe. His favorite way to pass the time (when he's not with his girlfriend, I'm guessing) is to play drums in his band Are We Dead Yet? I asked him to explain that name to me once but I still didn't understand. Maybe it's a teen angst thing. Anyway, it makes him happy.
His hair is once again a 'fro, his thick blond curls too fabulous to chop off. There was a long period of time when he kept his hair rigidly short. Maybe it was the private Christian school, maybe it was maternal influence. Either way, 2nd-7th grade saw a ferociously uptight Nicky. The poor kid. It's hard to be yourself - at that age, to find yourself - when the odds are stacked against you. I should know, I've been there. We went to the same school, we have the same mother. And that isn't a slam against Mom. It's just the truth. She knows it. Her two kids will struggle all their lives with perfectionism, inferiority, and general social awkwardness. I've learned how to deal, but it's taken me a long time and I still don't have a handle on it completely. Nick-o, well, I'm so impressed with the person he's becoming. He's a good kid. A good 17-year-old kid.
He'll be looking at colleges now, deciding what to do with his future. It's nerve-racking to think that next year his high school graduation will fall on the 10-year anniversary of my own. Ack! (Another ack!) How time flies. His future is his to make. Possibilities? Endless. I remember that time well. Everything was unknown, but there was so much hope. What would I study? What would I do? Where would I work? Who would I marry, and when we I meet him? Each year that passes the future gets shorter (now if that isn't a happy thought I don't know what is...). I guess that's why we make the most of it while we can.
I hope my brother doesn't decide to do something with his life because he feels obligated, or because he feels it's his only option. I hope he knows he can do anything. Well, maybe not anything, but almost. I hope his increasingly cynical view of the world diminishes as he gets older, not because there aren't things to be cynical about in our world, but because going through life jaded is no way to live. I hope he learns to be truly happy. (I'm not saying he isn't happy now, but he's in high school, you know? How happy can a kid really be with all the crap that comes with it?)
Anyway, I guess I've gone on about the Nickster long enough. Time to call it quits tonight and catch up on Grey's... think it'll be a new one tonight? One can hope.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
It's getting rather chilly in northeastern Wisconsin. I wouldn't mind so much if the chill wasn't accompanied (or rather, caused by) the wind. I happen to live in a wind tunnel. I guess compared to other areas of town it's a relatively new development (if by "new" we're talking in the past thirty years). It's close to the freeway and several businesses, and apparently trees didn't make it onto the blueprints when this area of town was being planned. I mean, there are trees, just not that many. It is remarkably more windy the fewer trees there are. Thus, I live in a wind tunnel.
It makes for some unfortunate hair days.
However, it doesn't rain as much once it gets this cold/windy/unnecessarily miserable. That is a major plus. Rain makes for awful hair days.
So, bringing this all back to where I started, it's freaking cold out. A quick check of my hometown newspaper reveals a forecast of 60-degree sunshine for tomorrow, and the next day, and the next... Flippin' California. Of course, it's not always 60 degrees and sunny in NorCal in November. No, I remember the days when my bedroom was used as the "overflow refridgerator" because it was so stinking cold. (It's true. Pity my frozen, teenage self.) There were a couple winters where it actually snowed. (Not in my room. Outside. Outside the house.)
I haven't decided which I prefer - a winter where it might snow once or twice (and may or may not stick), or a winter where you might have one day when it doesn't.
I keep digressing. It's cold. As I try to be more and more eco-friendly, green, or whatever catch phrase you want to use there, I try to use things like the heater less and less. I have sweaters and shirts with long sleeves - I can layer! And I have tons of blankets - I can burrow! Each morning I wake up grateful and slightly amazed that I was not crushed in my sleep by the sheer weight of all my blankets.
I am fairly certain that freezing temperatures are unnecessary until after the official start of winter, and even then it's iffy. Why not wait until January?
It makes for some unfortunate hair days.
However, it doesn't rain as much once it gets this cold/windy/unnecessarily miserable. That is a major plus. Rain makes for awful hair days.
So, bringing this all back to where I started, it's freaking cold out. A quick check of my hometown newspaper reveals a forecast of 60-degree sunshine for tomorrow, and the next day, and the next... Flippin' California. Of course, it's not always 60 degrees and sunny in NorCal in November. No, I remember the days when my bedroom was used as the "overflow refridgerator" because it was so stinking cold. (It's true. Pity my frozen, teenage self.) There were a couple winters where it actually snowed. (Not in my room. Outside. Outside the house.)
I haven't decided which I prefer - a winter where it might snow once or twice (and may or may not stick), or a winter where you might have one day when it doesn't.
I keep digressing. It's cold. As I try to be more and more eco-friendly, green, or whatever catch phrase you want to use there, I try to use things like the heater less and less. I have sweaters and shirts with long sleeves - I can layer! And I have tons of blankets - I can burrow! Each morning I wake up grateful and slightly amazed that I was not crushed in my sleep by the sheer weight of all my blankets.
I am fairly certain that freezing temperatures are unnecessary until after the official start of winter, and even then it's iffy. Why not wait until January?
Friday, November 7, 2008
A change in the weather
I began the week wearing short sleeves and delighting in the gift of sunny, 70-degree weather bestowed upon us by the weather gods. Now I am watching as clouds darken the sky and friends to the west update their facebook status' saying, "I can't believe it - snow!!" In a few short hours I myself will be heading west. I wonder what winter wonderland awaits?
In any case, the fire danger is low. (I know you were concerned.)
One of my favorite things to do is to walk during a snowfall. My old roommate and I did that a few times. We learned, however, it is not as pleasant and peacefull to walk during what could be deemed blizzard conditions. A nice snow that isn't too deep is just right.
There's just something about watching the snow fall in the streetlights, and the sound of silence on most every street. The world slows down when snow falls. Snow covers the world like a blanket. It makes everything more beautiful. It equalizes things. When we're covered in snow, we can't see our differences as easily. Houses all look the same. Cars become unrecognizable mounds of icy powder. It brings us together, even though it keeps many of us inside. There's a certain kind of kinship in the snow.
Right now it is cold, dark and rainy. (Ah, winter in northern California...) Soon it will be snowing. Probably not the big fluffy snow that's going to stick, but snow nonetheless.
After an autumn partisanship and division, it will be nice to be united once again this winter.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Why can't we be friends?
There are a few things in this world that really make me angry. For starters, I hate it when people don't put their vehicle registration sticker in its proper place in the bottom right corner of their license plate, choosing instead to place them everywhere else. Why do they do this? There is a spot for it, a spot specifically designed for it, and yet these rebels seem to think placing stickers all over the plate is the better way to go. Why? It's infuriatingly stupid. I will never understand.
I also get annoyed when I'm sitting in traffic after having merged due to a lane closing, and someone speeds ahead in the soon-to-be-closed lane, trying to skip ahead and be all... I don't even have a word for it. Smart? It's not smart. Wait your turn. Merge when everyone else does. We're all waiting. For those who speed ahead, I will never let you in. So there.
But I think the thing that angers me most of all, the thing that really makes my blood boil to the point of bubbling over, is when someone questions another person's Christianity because of a said opinion, action, or belief.
Case in point... I am a regular reader of the blog of one of my favorite faith-filled musicians (Jonathan Rundman: http://jonathanrundman.blogspot.com/). In a recent post he responded to a fellow reader's request that he give some commentary on the election - read: who he will be voting for and why. Acknowledging that political affiliations are tricky in the Christian music business, he unapologetically stated he would be supporting Barack Obama. At press time, there hasn't been a huge backlash of comments questioning Jonathan's choice... However, he linked to the blog of another musician, Tyler Burkum, who had experienced some backlash: http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&FriendID=10816715&blogMonth=6&blogDay=1&blogYear=2008
Burkum's blog merely stated he was moved by an Obama speech - not even that he was voting for him, and here was the first comment left:
"Are you kidding me???!!!! I thought you were a Christian? Obviously you haven't listened closely to ANYTHING he has been saying. He is pro-choice, anti-Israel, pro-socialism, higher taxes, and anyone that can sit under a "REVEREND" as radical and un-biblical as Wright....clearly SHOULD NOT have the support of ANYONE that claims the name of Christ. And don't forget...everyone loved and support Hitler and Stalin when they started their "political" careers too....even now as I sit here listening to his "victory" speech...[he] is NOW changing his stance and political position on Israel and the Middle East....who wants a president that "resembles" a mackerel (flip flop flip flop)!!!!"
Are YOU kidding ME?? Are you FREAKING SERIOUS???!!!! This is the kind of crap I am talking about. For starters, is that what this election is going to come down to for some people? Abortion, Israel, Socialism, taxes, and a disgraced former pastor? Really? Is there nothing more important happening right now? Must we run circles around the same issues again and again? Maybe, because these fundy right wingers haven't got much else.
Not all conservative voters are fundamentalists. Not all evangelical Christians are conservative voters or fundamentalists. Still, these little guys and gals sure have a way of spoiling the batch whenever they rear their ugly heads.
I hate it when my Christianity is called into question because I think differently than a fellow follower of Christ. I may not be pro-choice, but I sure as hell am not about to pretend that making abortion illegal will somehow magically eradicate its demand. There will still be unwanted pregnancies - what are pro-life people doing about that? How are pro-life voters addressing the needs of girls and women who find themselves in a situation they can't handle? How do we prevent this, and how do we offer support when it does happen? I'm not saying pro-lifers aren't addressing these issues, I'm honestly asking.
Abortion is a symptom; address the cause and you eliminate the symptom. Address the symptom and the root problem only gets worse.
And Israel, oh Israel. I'll save the tongue-lashing of apocalyptic policy makers for another day. Suffice it to say, political decisions should not be made because of a person's beliefs about the second coming of Christ and the end of the world. It's just good sense.
Why can't a person vote for a Democrat and love Jesus all at the same time? Why can't said Demoract also love Jesus?
Why do so many Christians who question my Christianity because of my political opinions support policies and legislation that are remarkably un-Christian?
What did Jesus have to say about abortion? About socialism? About Israel and the end of the world? About less-than-reputable former ministers?
What did Jesus have to say about taking care of the poor, orphaned, and widowed? About the distribution of wealth and resources? About the government and taxes? About how to treat one another? About handling disagreements?
The state of California will be voting on a proposition this November to "protect marriage" - it will define marriage in the state of California as being between a man and a woman. (Thank God, because the well-being of kids and families everywhere is really being threatened by the commitment two people make to love and cherish each other for all their lives. People please.) An old high school acquaintance of mine has done some serious Facebook promoting of this proposition, which is completely fine. It made me very sad, however, to read her commentary on the motion:
"The homosexuals' agenda is to make speaking out against homosexuality (in churches, even the Bible) a hate crime."
I don't like this "us-them" talk. Why must we alienate people who feel differently than we do? First off, anyone who refers to our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters as "the homosexuals" clearly does not have (or isn't aware of, or is unmoved by) a meaningful relationship (friendship, family members, etc) with a gay or lesbian person. It's easy to alienate when we don't know them. If we don't know them, how can we care? By calling people "the homosexuals" or "the democrats," (or, as I am just as guilty of doing, "the fundy right wingers") we put up a wall of indifference between us. A wall of misunderstanding (a refusal to understand is more like it). It's us versus them. Us v. Them, probably the most important and overlooking Supreme Court decision of them all. Sarah Palin even knows about it. She uses it every day.
Incidentally, my marriage-protecing high school acquaintence also answered, "Um, no," in an online forum discussion about whether or not Democrats can be Christians. In that case, it wasn't so much the content of the answer as it was the finality of it. No discussion. It's like it's a non-issue. Democrats? Christians? Preposterous! As my old friend Cher would say, as if!
Walls, walls are no fun. Walls, walls hurt someone.
I'm voting for Obama, and not just because I tend to vote democratic. I believe him. I believe in his passion and his integrity. I believe he has the best interests of the Americans who need him most at heart. I believe he gets it. He understands that the only way to treat the symptoms plagueing America is to treat the cause. Pro-choice, sure - but he's not running around handing out 2-for-1 abortion coupons either. Anti-Israel? Pretty sure he's not, but Palestine exists and is full of human beings, too. Can't screw them just because some people are eagerly anticipating Armageddon. Socialist? Read the New Testament and then get back to me. Higher taxes? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe the super-rich should pay more taxes than I do. Sorry if that includes you. Maybe the impoverished need a break, and maybe the millionaires need to start ponying up.
In any case, don't call people un-Christian just because you disagree with them. Jesus had a lot to say about the overly-righteous. And hey, some days that includes me. I'm not above reproach. But neither are the fundys, the right wingers, the left wingers, the democrats, the republicans, the homosexuals, the heterosexuals...
Why can't we be friends?
I also get annoyed when I'm sitting in traffic after having merged due to a lane closing, and someone speeds ahead in the soon-to-be-closed lane, trying to skip ahead and be all... I don't even have a word for it. Smart? It's not smart. Wait your turn. Merge when everyone else does. We're all waiting. For those who speed ahead, I will never let you in. So there.
But I think the thing that angers me most of all, the thing that really makes my blood boil to the point of bubbling over, is when someone questions another person's Christianity because of a said opinion, action, or belief.
Case in point... I am a regular reader of the blog of one of my favorite faith-filled musicians (Jonathan Rundman: http://jonathanrundman.blogspot.com/). In a recent post he responded to a fellow reader's request that he give some commentary on the election - read: who he will be voting for and why. Acknowledging that political affiliations are tricky in the Christian music business, he unapologetically stated he would be supporting Barack Obama. At press time, there hasn't been a huge backlash of comments questioning Jonathan's choice... However, he linked to the blog of another musician, Tyler Burkum, who had experienced some backlash: http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&FriendID=10816715&blogMonth=6&blogDay=1&blogYear=2008
Burkum's blog merely stated he was moved by an Obama speech - not even that he was voting for him, and here was the first comment left:
"Are you kidding me???!!!! I thought you were a Christian? Obviously you haven't listened closely to ANYTHING he has been saying. He is pro-choice, anti-Israel, pro-socialism, higher taxes, and anyone that can sit under a "REVEREND" as radical and un-biblical as Wright....clearly SHOULD NOT have the support of ANYONE that claims the name of Christ. And don't forget...everyone loved and support Hitler and Stalin when they started their "political" careers too....even now as I sit here listening to his "victory" speech...[he] is NOW changing his stance and political position on Israel and the Middle East....who wants a president that "resembles" a mackerel (flip flop flip flop)!!!!"
Are YOU kidding ME?? Are you FREAKING SERIOUS???!!!! This is the kind of crap I am talking about. For starters, is that what this election is going to come down to for some people? Abortion, Israel, Socialism, taxes, and a disgraced former pastor? Really? Is there nothing more important happening right now? Must we run circles around the same issues again and again? Maybe, because these fundy right wingers haven't got much else.
Not all conservative voters are fundamentalists. Not all evangelical Christians are conservative voters or fundamentalists. Still, these little guys and gals sure have a way of spoiling the batch whenever they rear their ugly heads.
I hate it when my Christianity is called into question because I think differently than a fellow follower of Christ. I may not be pro-choice, but I sure as hell am not about to pretend that making abortion illegal will somehow magically eradicate its demand. There will still be unwanted pregnancies - what are pro-life people doing about that? How are pro-life voters addressing the needs of girls and women who find themselves in a situation they can't handle? How do we prevent this, and how do we offer support when it does happen? I'm not saying pro-lifers aren't addressing these issues, I'm honestly asking.
Abortion is a symptom; address the cause and you eliminate the symptom. Address the symptom and the root problem only gets worse.
And Israel, oh Israel. I'll save the tongue-lashing of apocalyptic policy makers for another day. Suffice it to say, political decisions should not be made because of a person's beliefs about the second coming of Christ and the end of the world. It's just good sense.
Why can't a person vote for a Democrat and love Jesus all at the same time? Why can't said Demoract also love Jesus?
Why do so many Christians who question my Christianity because of my political opinions support policies and legislation that are remarkably un-Christian?
What did Jesus have to say about abortion? About socialism? About Israel and the end of the world? About less-than-reputable former ministers?
What did Jesus have to say about taking care of the poor, orphaned, and widowed? About the distribution of wealth and resources? About the government and taxes? About how to treat one another? About handling disagreements?
The state of California will be voting on a proposition this November to "protect marriage" - it will define marriage in the state of California as being between a man and a woman. (Thank God, because the well-being of kids and families everywhere is really being threatened by the commitment two people make to love and cherish each other for all their lives. People please.) An old high school acquaintance of mine has done some serious Facebook promoting of this proposition, which is completely fine. It made me very sad, however, to read her commentary on the motion:
"The homosexuals' agenda is to make speaking out against homosexuality (in churches, even the Bible) a hate crime."
I don't like this "us-them" talk. Why must we alienate people who feel differently than we do? First off, anyone who refers to our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters as "the homosexuals" clearly does not have (or isn't aware of, or is unmoved by) a meaningful relationship (friendship, family members, etc) with a gay or lesbian person. It's easy to alienate when we don't know them. If we don't know them, how can we care? By calling people "the homosexuals" or "the democrats," (or, as I am just as guilty of doing, "the fundy right wingers") we put up a wall of indifference between us. A wall of misunderstanding (a refusal to understand is more like it). It's us versus them. Us v. Them, probably the most important and overlooking Supreme Court decision of them all. Sarah Palin even knows about it. She uses it every day.
Incidentally, my marriage-protecing high school acquaintence also answered, "Um, no," in an online forum discussion about whether or not Democrats can be Christians. In that case, it wasn't so much the content of the answer as it was the finality of it. No discussion. It's like it's a non-issue. Democrats? Christians? Preposterous! As my old friend Cher would say, as if!
Walls, walls are no fun. Walls, walls hurt someone.
I'm voting for Obama, and not just because I tend to vote democratic. I believe him. I believe in his passion and his integrity. I believe he has the best interests of the Americans who need him most at heart. I believe he gets it. He understands that the only way to treat the symptoms plagueing America is to treat the cause. Pro-choice, sure - but he's not running around handing out 2-for-1 abortion coupons either. Anti-Israel? Pretty sure he's not, but Palestine exists and is full of human beings, too. Can't screw them just because some people are eagerly anticipating Armageddon. Socialist? Read the New Testament and then get back to me. Higher taxes? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe the super-rich should pay more taxes than I do. Sorry if that includes you. Maybe the impoverished need a break, and maybe the millionaires need to start ponying up.
In any case, don't call people un-Christian just because you disagree with them. Jesus had a lot to say about the overly-righteous. And hey, some days that includes me. I'm not above reproach. But neither are the fundys, the right wingers, the left wingers, the democrats, the republicans, the homosexuals, the heterosexuals...
Why can't we be friends?
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
a moment with zacchaeus
(This is something I wrote for a Lsermon on Luke 19. I decided to write from the perspective of Zacchaeus, rather than a biblical commentator, which I am not.)
Have you ever had one of those moments, those split-second moments that seem to last forever? You can think a million thoughts in one-thousandth of a second. The world freezes. Things start to come into focus. Yeah. I’m having one of those moments right now.
I’m in a tree, a sycamore tree in the middle of town, surrounded by a huge crowd of people, and everyone is staring at me. You see, there’s this guy, Jesus of Nazareth, who came to town today. People say he can work miracles, and his teachings can change your life. People say he’s the son of God. I wanted to see him, but so did everyone else in town. And when you’re shorter than most of the children in town, seeing above the crowds is kind of impossible.
So I climbed this tree. It worked, I saw Jesus passing through the crowds. The thing is, he saw me too, and then something incredible happened—he spoke to me. He knew my name! He said, “Zacchaeus, come down from there!” And then he told me he needed to stay at my house. Everything went quiet. Every head turned. And that’s where I am now, in a tree. In this moment, this split-second moment.
Maybe I should explain. I’m Zacchaeus. I’m a tax collector, a chief tax collector to be exact. I told you I was short, but I’m not sure you understand how short I really am. It’s ridiculous. I’ve always been this way, shorter than everyone else. Never able to reach things, never able to see above things. In Hebrew school, I couldn’t even hold the scrolls open far enough to read the texts for the rabbi. And the teasing, oh the teasing. Kids can be so cruel. But whatever, I learned to deal. So what if I was short? I wasn’t going to let myself be less than anyone else. In fact, I would find something to do with my life that would give me power over people. I would show them.
I guess you could say I have a complex.
So I became a tax collector. I must say, I’m pretty good at it. As a tax collector I have the power of Rome behind me. Do you know how powerful that makes me? People who used to tease me now tremble when I knock on their doors. Okay, I may not have many friends. I don’t have any friends, actually. But I have money. I have power. No one is making fun of me now. No one is really doing much of anything to me now, except giving me their money.
To be honest, it’s not a great life. It’s not just that people don’t like me; they despise me. I try to act like it doesn’t bother me, but it does. I’ve never been welcome anywhere, I’ve never really belonged. I used to care, but after awhile I just kind of shut off. The more I can cheat people out of their money, the better. Why should I care about them? No one has ever cared about me. No one even bothers to talk to me anymore.
Except that now someone has. This Jesus of Nazareth, he just invited himself to my house. He knows my name. He wants to stay with me. I can see it in the eyes of everyone staring—disbelief. Disgust. They’re thinking to themselves, “Why is Jesus going to stay with him? Everybody hates him. He’s dishonest. He’s a sinner.” You know what? I’m asking myself the same thing.
I know that this Jesus guy has only asked to stay at my house, but even from up here in this tree I can see it in his eyes, and hear it in his voice—he cares about me. Genuinely. I matter to him. It’s a scary thing when someone unexpectedly loves you, for no reason at all, at least, no reason that you can see. I don’t think I have ever experienced that before.
If I were to be honest, and I might as well be honest, I am a cheat. I take too much money from people, just because I can. Because I want to have something they don’t. Because it makes me feel like I’m worth, I don’t know…something. Except, if that’s all I’m worth, if knocking people down to build myself up is all I’m worth, I’m not worth very much am I?
And yet Jesus wants to stay with me. Out of everyone here, Jesus picked me. I don’t know, maybe it was easy to pick me out because I’m the only one up in a tree. Whatever the reason, I’ll take it. I can tell by the look in his eyes, Jesus knows who I am. I mean, he knew my name after all. He can hear everyone muttering that I’m a sinner. And yet there he stands, looking into my eyes. None of it matters. He knows about me, and yet I really feel that he loves me. He loves me anyway.
Is that what this is like, being loved? I’ve got to say, it feels pretty amazing. I had no idea. How simple was that to do, just offering acceptance to someone who needs it? And now, I can’t really explain it, but I feel so much lighter. It’s as though all my worries and all that stuff I drag around in my heart is gone. Wouldn’t it be something if everyone could feel like this?
I want to do that. I want to give other people the same kind of love that was just given to me. I’m going to do that. I’m going to get down from this tree and, well I don’t know exactly what I’ll do next. There are so many people in this town who have so little and need so much, I could give some things I own to them. I could give back the money I cheated from people. Or, I could give them back the amount times two! No, times four!
This Jesus guy, he’s really something. I mean, I know it’s only been a moment, but I am different. I want to go out and do something better with my life. It might be difficult at first for people to accept what I have to offer, but I don’t feel worried about that. This love I’ve received, it’ll be enough to carry me through. It’s amazing how a simple moment can transform you and change your life forever.
Have you ever had one of those moments, those split-second moments that seem to last forever? You can think a million thoughts in one-thousandth of a second. The world freezes. Things start to come into focus. Yeah. I’m having one of those moments right now.
I’m in a tree, a sycamore tree in the middle of town, surrounded by a huge crowd of people, and everyone is staring at me. You see, there’s this guy, Jesus of Nazareth, who came to town today. People say he can work miracles, and his teachings can change your life. People say he’s the son of God. I wanted to see him, but so did everyone else in town. And when you’re shorter than most of the children in town, seeing above the crowds is kind of impossible.
So I climbed this tree. It worked, I saw Jesus passing through the crowds. The thing is, he saw me too, and then something incredible happened—he spoke to me. He knew my name! He said, “Zacchaeus, come down from there!” And then he told me he needed to stay at my house. Everything went quiet. Every head turned. And that’s where I am now, in a tree. In this moment, this split-second moment.
Maybe I should explain. I’m Zacchaeus. I’m a tax collector, a chief tax collector to be exact. I told you I was short, but I’m not sure you understand how short I really am. It’s ridiculous. I’ve always been this way, shorter than everyone else. Never able to reach things, never able to see above things. In Hebrew school, I couldn’t even hold the scrolls open far enough to read the texts for the rabbi. And the teasing, oh the teasing. Kids can be so cruel. But whatever, I learned to deal. So what if I was short? I wasn’t going to let myself be less than anyone else. In fact, I would find something to do with my life that would give me power over people. I would show them.
I guess you could say I have a complex.
So I became a tax collector. I must say, I’m pretty good at it. As a tax collector I have the power of Rome behind me. Do you know how powerful that makes me? People who used to tease me now tremble when I knock on their doors. Okay, I may not have many friends. I don’t have any friends, actually. But I have money. I have power. No one is making fun of me now. No one is really doing much of anything to me now, except giving me their money.
To be honest, it’s not a great life. It’s not just that people don’t like me; they despise me. I try to act like it doesn’t bother me, but it does. I’ve never been welcome anywhere, I’ve never really belonged. I used to care, but after awhile I just kind of shut off. The more I can cheat people out of their money, the better. Why should I care about them? No one has ever cared about me. No one even bothers to talk to me anymore.
Except that now someone has. This Jesus of Nazareth, he just invited himself to my house. He knows my name. He wants to stay with me. I can see it in the eyes of everyone staring—disbelief. Disgust. They’re thinking to themselves, “Why is Jesus going to stay with him? Everybody hates him. He’s dishonest. He’s a sinner.” You know what? I’m asking myself the same thing.
I know that this Jesus guy has only asked to stay at my house, but even from up here in this tree I can see it in his eyes, and hear it in his voice—he cares about me. Genuinely. I matter to him. It’s a scary thing when someone unexpectedly loves you, for no reason at all, at least, no reason that you can see. I don’t think I have ever experienced that before.
If I were to be honest, and I might as well be honest, I am a cheat. I take too much money from people, just because I can. Because I want to have something they don’t. Because it makes me feel like I’m worth, I don’t know…something. Except, if that’s all I’m worth, if knocking people down to build myself up is all I’m worth, I’m not worth very much am I?
And yet Jesus wants to stay with me. Out of everyone here, Jesus picked me. I don’t know, maybe it was easy to pick me out because I’m the only one up in a tree. Whatever the reason, I’ll take it. I can tell by the look in his eyes, Jesus knows who I am. I mean, he knew my name after all. He can hear everyone muttering that I’m a sinner. And yet there he stands, looking into my eyes. None of it matters. He knows about me, and yet I really feel that he loves me. He loves me anyway.
Is that what this is like, being loved? I’ve got to say, it feels pretty amazing. I had no idea. How simple was that to do, just offering acceptance to someone who needs it? And now, I can’t really explain it, but I feel so much lighter. It’s as though all my worries and all that stuff I drag around in my heart is gone. Wouldn’t it be something if everyone could feel like this?
I want to do that. I want to give other people the same kind of love that was just given to me. I’m going to do that. I’m going to get down from this tree and, well I don’t know exactly what I’ll do next. There are so many people in this town who have so little and need so much, I could give some things I own to them. I could give back the money I cheated from people. Or, I could give them back the amount times two! No, times four!
This Jesus guy, he’s really something. I mean, I know it’s only been a moment, but I am different. I want to go out and do something better with my life. It might be difficult at first for people to accept what I have to offer, but I don’t feel worried about that. This love I’ve received, it’ll be enough to carry me through. It’s amazing how a simple moment can transform you and change your life forever.
Monday, March 31, 2008
There are no "ifs" in God's world.
The Germans had repaired the bomb damage to the airport and were using it now as a base for air raids against England. Night after night we lay in bed listening to the growl of engines heading west. Occassionally English planes retaliated and then the German fightters might intercept them right over Haarlem.
One night I tossed for an hour while dogfights raged overhead, streaking my patch of sky with fire. At last I heard Betsie stirring in the kitchen and ran down to join her. She was making tea. She brought it into the dining room where we had covered the windows with heavy black paper and set out the best cups. Somewhere in the night there was an explosion; the dishes in the cupboard rattled. For an hour we sipped our tea and talked, until the sounds of places died away and the sky was silent. I said goodnight to Betsie and made my way up the stairs to my room. The fiery light was gone from the sky. I felt for my bed: there was the pillow. Then in the darkness my hand closed over something hard. Sharp too! I felt blood trickle along a finger.
It was a jagged piece of metal, ten inches long.
I raced down the stairs with the shrapnel in my hand. "Betsie!" We went back to the dining room and stared at it in the light while Betsie bandaged my hand. "On your pillow," she kept saying.
"Betsie, if I hadn't heard you in the kitchen--"
But Betsie put a finger on my mouth. "Don't say it, Corrie! There are no 'ifs' in God's world. And no places that are safer than other places. The center of His will is our only safety--Oh Corrie, let us pray that we may always know it!" (The Hiding Place, pp. 83-84)
If I wanted to I could ponder "what if" all day and night. Even if I tried, I couldn't count the number of decisions I've made - whether conscious or subconscious - that could have been different, and were they, would have led me somewhere else.
It's not that where I am is all that bad. No. In fact, it's pretty great. Abundantly blessed. I have family, I have friends. I have a good job, with good people. But I have a broken heart, for reasons both in and out of my control. People have died, people have moved. I have moved. I have said yes when people have said no. I have lost, and I am finding. Dreams have died, dreams have changed.
We make choices every day that bring us to where we are. Our lives are a series of choices and circumstances. Thousands upon thousands. Changing just one could change our lives entirely. So much energy is wasted wondering "what if." What if this, what if that? Who can say? The fact is there is no "if," when it comes to the past. There is only what was, what is, and what is to come.
I could spend all day asking what if. It's true that if I had made different decisions along the way my life would also be different. Maybe something I wanted would be a reality now. Maybe I wouldn't want it anymore. Betsie Ten Boom had it right--there are no places safer than others, no circumstances ultimately better than others. No matter where we are we are all in the same place: in need of God's mercy, love and grace.
I've learned that there's no decision I have made, no circumstance I have found myself in whether it be within or out of my control, no place I find myself where God cannot find me and work wonders with my life, where God can't take my heart and fill it, my life and use it.
I don't waste my time asking "what if," because there are no "ifs" in God's world, only "ares" and opportunities to love.
One night I tossed for an hour while dogfights raged overhead, streaking my patch of sky with fire. At last I heard Betsie stirring in the kitchen and ran down to join her. She was making tea. She brought it into the dining room where we had covered the windows with heavy black paper and set out the best cups. Somewhere in the night there was an explosion; the dishes in the cupboard rattled. For an hour we sipped our tea and talked, until the sounds of places died away and the sky was silent. I said goodnight to Betsie and made my way up the stairs to my room. The fiery light was gone from the sky. I felt for my bed: there was the pillow. Then in the darkness my hand closed over something hard. Sharp too! I felt blood trickle along a finger.
It was a jagged piece of metal, ten inches long.
I raced down the stairs with the shrapnel in my hand. "Betsie!" We went back to the dining room and stared at it in the light while Betsie bandaged my hand. "On your pillow," she kept saying.
"Betsie, if I hadn't heard you in the kitchen--"
But Betsie put a finger on my mouth. "Don't say it, Corrie! There are no 'ifs' in God's world. And no places that are safer than other places. The center of His will is our only safety--Oh Corrie, let us pray that we may always know it!" (The Hiding Place, pp. 83-84)
If I wanted to I could ponder "what if" all day and night. Even if I tried, I couldn't count the number of decisions I've made - whether conscious or subconscious - that could have been different, and were they, would have led me somewhere else.
It's not that where I am is all that bad. No. In fact, it's pretty great. Abundantly blessed. I have family, I have friends. I have a good job, with good people. But I have a broken heart, for reasons both in and out of my control. People have died, people have moved. I have moved. I have said yes when people have said no. I have lost, and I am finding. Dreams have died, dreams have changed.
We make choices every day that bring us to where we are. Our lives are a series of choices and circumstances. Thousands upon thousands. Changing just one could change our lives entirely. So much energy is wasted wondering "what if." What if this, what if that? Who can say? The fact is there is no "if," when it comes to the past. There is only what was, what is, and what is to come.
I could spend all day asking what if. It's true that if I had made different decisions along the way my life would also be different. Maybe something I wanted would be a reality now. Maybe I wouldn't want it anymore. Betsie Ten Boom had it right--there are no places safer than others, no circumstances ultimately better than others. No matter where we are we are all in the same place: in need of God's mercy, love and grace.
I've learned that there's no decision I have made, no circumstance I have found myself in whether it be within or out of my control, no place I find myself where God cannot find me and work wonders with my life, where God can't take my heart and fill it, my life and use it.
I don't waste my time asking "what if," because there are no "ifs" in God's world, only "ares" and opportunities to love.
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